From my associate Grant Tate.
My phone rang on a quiet Tuesday morning a few months ago. On the other end was Thomas, a longtime colleague and one of the wisest consultants I know. He had recently taken a suite of assessments we often use in our work—DISC, Driving Forces, and an Acumen Index. Bright guy, PhD, plenty of years helping companies and nonprofits. So when he said, “Grant, I read over the report and, I must say, this does not reflect who I am,” I was taken aback.
I’d known Thomas for twenty years. The results nailed him, in my view. But he dismissed them out of hand.
Two weeks later, I got another call.
“Can we talk about those assessments?” he asked. “I’ve had some second thoughts.”
Turns out Thomas had shared parts of the report with his wife and a few close friends. And they all agreed with the findings. In fact, they reinforced them.
Later, he looked at me across the table, coffee in hand, and said, “Basically, the report indicated I was not a good listener and was too wrapped up in my own intellectual world to listen to my clients.”
The assessments had surfaced something we all have—a blind spot. And that conversation got me thinking about the Johari Window, the classic model that maps out what we know about ourselves and what others know about us. It’s broken into four quadrants: Open Area, Hidden Area, Blind Area, and Unknown Area. Thomas was operating squarely in the Blind Area—things others could see, but he couldn’t.
And honestly? Most of us live there more than we’d like to admit.
Why EQ Matters More Than Ever
We use Emotional Quotient (EQ) assessments to get at these blind spots. One of our most popular tools maps five core competencies: Self-Awareness, Self-Regulation, Motivation, Social Awareness, and Social Regulation.
Let me give you an example. I recently reviewed an EQ report for a fictional client, let’s call him John. The results were fascinating—and familiar.
- Self-Awareness: John scored a 92. That’s high. He has a solid grip on his internal emotional states and how those impact his decisions and behavior.
- Self-Regulation: At 66, this was his lowest area. That tells me he knows when he’s triggered, but struggles to consistently manage those emotions once they surface.
- Motivation: He landed at 77. He’s purpose-driven, keeps moving forward even when things get rough, and ties his goals to values.
- Social Awareness: An 81 here shows strong empathy. He notices the emotional tone in groups, reads people well, and reflects on others’ cues.
- Social Regulation: At 72, he’s doing well but not yet a steady source of emotional support for others. Some interactions may feel detached or task-driven.
That’s not a surprising pattern. Many smart professionals score high on awareness—both of self and others—but don’t always know how to regulate their emotional responses in the moment or shape the emotional tone of a team. That gap can limit effectiveness, especially in high-pressure situations or sensitive conversations.
From Insight to Action
So what do we do with this kind of data?
This is where the EQ report shines. It doesn’t just describe what’s going on—it gives you practical, grounded actions to take.
Take John’s self-regulation score. The report suggests simple but powerful strategies: pausing before responding in conversations, tracking emotional triggers in a journal, or practicing tone management during tough discussions. These aren’t just fluffy tips—they’re real, actionable tools for building emotional resilience and leadership presence.
Same with social regulation. One suggestion was to end conversations in a way that uplifts tone—something we often overlook, especially when we’re focused on outcomes over relationships.
The Value of Listening to Feedback
Coming back to Thomas—what changed everything for him wasn’t the report alone. It was the feedback from people he trusted. When they confirmed what the report said, he couldn’t ignore it.
We all have areas we’re blind to—traits or habits we’ve rationalized or simply never noticed. Good assessment tools, when used with compassion and dialogue, bring those blind spots into the light. And when that happens, we can actually grow.
It’s not about fixing what’s broken. It’s about fine-tuning what’s already working and making space for what could be better.
Final Thought
Self-awareness isn’t a destination—it’s a practice. And as Thomas and I continued our coffee conversations downtown, we both learned to listen better. Not just to others, but to ourselves.
That’s the real promise of EQ assessments. They give us the mirror—and the flashlight—to see who we are, who we could be, and what’s getting in the way.
And sometimes, that’s all it takes to move from stuck to growing.
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